Can Couples Therapy Save a Relationship? What Research Says

Can couples therapy save a relationship? Research shows about 70 percent of couples improve. Learn what helps, what it cannot fix, and how to start in Calgary.

Tri Lotus Psychotherapy Inc.

11/2/20266 min read

Two partners walking on a snowy Calgary street, talking about whether couples therapy can help.

Can Couples Therapy Save a Relationship? What Research and Real Experience Both Say

Can couples therapy save a relationship? Often, yes. A major research review found it helps about 70 percent of couples who receive it. Whether it helps yours depends on when you start and on each of you being willing to change your own part. At Tri Lotus Psychotherapy, we see couples in person in Calgary and online across Alberta.

Key Takeaways

Couples therapy refers to structured work with a therapist trained in couples approaches, where both partners look at the patterns between them and practise new ways of handling conflict and connection.
A 2012 review of couple therapy research found that it positively affects about 70 percent of couples who receive it.
In one large trial, about half of couples were still significantly improved five years after therapy, and about a quarter had divorced or separated.
In a five-year follow-up, 57 percent of couples who disclosed an affair and worked through it in therapy were still married, compared with 77 percent of couples without an affair.
Tri Lotus Psychotherapy offers couples therapy in person in southwest Calgary and virtually across Alberta, starting with a free 20-minute consultation call.

What the Research Shows About Couples Therapy Effectiveness

The research shows couples therapy helps most couples who try it, and about as well as individual therapy helps individual problems. A 2012 review of couple therapy research in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that couple therapy positively affects about 70 percent of couples. Across studies, the average couple in therapy ended up better off than about 80 percent of couples who went without help.

Couples therapy refers to structured work with a therapist trained in couples approaches, where both partners look at the patterns between them and practise new ways of handling conflict and connection. The approaches tested in research give sessions a clear structure, with skills to practise at home between them.

In one of the larger trials, comparing two forms of behavioural couple therapy, 60 to 70 percent of couples showed clinically significant improvement by the end of treatment. Five years later, about half were still significantly improved, and about a quarter had divorced or separated.

However, there are two caveats. Most studies follow couples for a year or two, and the few that follow them longer show the gains shrinking over time. Satisfaction also often dips right after therapy ends and then climbs back up. Some couples plan for that by booking a check-in session a few months after regular sessions stop.

The Conditions Under Which Couples Therapy Is Most Likely to Help

Couples therapy is most likely to help when both partners come in before the distress becomes severe, are still invested in the relationship, and are willing to look at their own part. In that trial, couples who had been married longer tended to do better overall, which the reviewers suggested may reflect greater commitment. Moderately distressed couples who stayed calmer during problem-solving conversations also tended to do better in treatment.

Starting earlier helps because the longer a pattern runs, the more automatic it gets. The Gottman Institute puts the average delay at six years of unhappiness before couples reach out for help.

Signs Couples Therapy Has a Good Chance of Helping

You both agree to come, even if one of you is more hopeful than the other.
Any affair has ended, or is in the process of ending.
Neither of you is afraid of the other.
You can each name at least one thing you want to be different between you.
You are both willing to explore how you are individually contributing to the concerns in your relationship.
If drinking, substance use, or depression is part of the picture, it is being treated too.

If you are still deciding whether you need help at all, our post on the signs you need couples therapy walks through the early patterns most couples miss.

What Couples Therapy Cannot Fix and Why That Matters

There are a few situations couples therapy cannot fix on its own. It helps to know them before you start, so you do not spend months in sessions that were never set up to work, and so you know what to do instead.

One partner has already decided to leave. A short approach called discernment counselling was designed for couples where one partner is leaning out and the other wants to keep trying. It helps you both get clear on whether to commit to couples therapy before you start.
There is fear or coercive control in the relationship. Joint sessions are usually not the place to start. Individual support comes first, and Alberta's Family Violence Info Line is available by call or text at 310-1818, 24 hours a day.
An affair is still going on. The repair work in couples therapy depends on the affair being over.
One partner's own struggles are driving the conflict. Depression, trauma, ADHD, or addiction in one partner usually needs its own care as well. Couples work can run alongside that care, and some couples approaches are designed to help with depression or drinking directly.

The Role of Individual Commitment in Making Couples Therapy Work

Couples therapy works best when each partner commits to changing their own part, without waiting for the other to go first. Most couples arrive hoping the therapist will help their partner see what they are doing wrong. The work starts to move when each of you gets curious about what you do in the pattern, too.

In practice, commitment means showing up after a hard session, trying the repair conversation at home even when it feels awkward, and saying "I got defensive there" before your partner has to point it out. Integrative Behavioural Couple Therapy, one of the approaches studied in that trial, includes accepting some differences between partners as permanent, along with working on the patterns that can change.

Being honest with each other matters too. In the five-year follow-up of the same trial, couples whose affair stayed secret during therapy were much less likely to still be together, though that group was very small.

Two partners talking calmly on their front porch, practising a repair conversation from couples therapy.

What Success in Couples Therapy Actually Looks and Feels Like

Success in couples therapy usually shows up in ordinary moments first. A fight about the in-laws is over in twenty minutes, where it used to take two days. One of you says sorry the same evening, or you bring up money without bracing for it.

Over time, couples describe feeling more like a team, even when they still disagree. They know their pattern well enough to name it out loud, and they can usually get back to each other faster after it shows up.

For some couples, success means deciding to separate with a clear head and less damage, especially when children are involved. That counts as a good outcome too, as clarity can feel like a relief.

Couples Therapy at Tri Lotus Psychotherapy in Calgary and Across Alberta

Tri Lotus offers couples therapy in person at our southwest Calgary clinic and virtually to couples anywhere in Alberta. In a first session, we ask each of you what "saved" would actually look like, because partners often arrive with different pictures. You can read more about how we work on our couples counselling in Calgary page.

Some of our therapists draw from the Gottman Method, which builds practical skills for handling conflict and strengthening your friendship and connection. Others use Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, which looks at the emotions driving the cycle you get stuck in when you argue. If one of you would benefit from your own sessions alongside couples work, individual therapy is available with a different therapist on our team.

Couples sessions are 50 minutes at $225 to $235 depending on the clinician, with 75-minute sessions available when you want more room. If you are not sure who to book with, you can meet the therapists on our team, use our therapist matching tool, or start with a free 20-minute consultation call.

Can Couples Therapy Save a Relationship? Frequently Asked Questions

Can Couples Therapy Save a Relationship Like Yours?

No one can tell you in advance how couples therapy will go for the two of you. Research says most couples who try couples therapy improve, and the couples who do best tend to start before things feel impossible.

A free 20-minute consultation call gives you both a chance to describe what is happening, ask what couples therapy at Tri Lotus would look like for you, and decide on your next step, with no obligation to book. Navigate the hurt. Unravel the pain. Find a way through.

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