How to Communicate Emotionally in Relationships: Insights from Couples Counselling

A Look at the Gottman Method

Renowned relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman have spent over 50 years studying couples and developing a science-backed approach to improving relationships. Known as the Gottman Method, this approach offers practical tools to help couples understand and support each other emotionally.

One simple yet powerful insight from the Gottmans is this:

Sometimes what we hear isn’t what our partner meant.

For example, your partner says, “Can you take out the trash?” But you hear, “You never help around here,” or worse, “You’re not good enough.” These kinds of emotional misfires are common and often stem from past experiences—not from the actual message.

That’s where relationship therapy helps: it gives couples space to explore how they hear one another and how to rebuild trust through intentional communication.

A Helpful Tool to Try in Your Relationship

One idea that’s been gaining attention in the world of couples therapy is a simple phrase that can help prevent misunderstandings:

“The story I’m telling myself is…”

It can be useful when something your partner says brings up a strong emotional reaction. For example, your partner asks, “Did you remember to book the appointment?”—but you suddenly feel defensive or criticized. In moments like that, you might pause and say:

“The story I’m telling myself is that you think I’m careless. Is that what you meant?”

This approach helps open a conversation rather than starting an argument. It allows both people to slow down, clarify intentions, and better understand how emotions are being interpreted—rather than assumed.

Why Couples Counselling Helps

Working with a marriage therapist or couples counsellor allows you to explore not just what is said—but how it’s said, and what meaning is attached to it. This type of exploration can lead to:

• Improved conflict resolution

• Better understanding of each other’s emotional needs

• Increased trust and closeness

• Feeling heard and seen in your relationship

At Tri Lotus Psychotherapy, our therapists use approaches like the Gottman Method to help couples navigate difficult conversations and reconnect on an emotional level.

When to Consider Calgary Couples Counselling

If small conversations frequently turn into big conflicts, or you find yourselves repeating the same misunderstandings, it may be time to seek support. Marriage counselling isn’t just for couples in crisis—it’s also for those who want to strengthen their emotional connection and grow together.

Our Calgary-based team at Tri Lotus Psychotherapy offers compassionate, research-informed support for couples who want to communicate more effectively and rebuild their bond.

Emotional communication is a skill—and like any skill, it can be learned and improved. Whether you’ve been together for years or are navigating new challenges, therapy can offer guidance and clarity.

If you're wondering how to communicate better in your relationship, we invite you to explore couples therapy with our team at Tri Lotus Psychotherapy. We're here to help you reconnect, repair, and move forward—together.

Emotional Communication and Why It Matters

Emotional connection is the foundation of a strong, fulfilling relationship. Yet many couples struggle with clearly expressing how they feel—often without realizing why. At Tri Lotus Psychotherapy, one of the most common themes that arises in couples counselling is a mismatch in how emotions are communicated and received.

Whether it’s because of different communication styles, upbringing, or beliefs about emotions, many partners unintentionally misread each other’s intentions. One partner may have grown up in a home where emotions were openly discussed, while the other learned to keep feelings private. These differences can create misunderstandings that slowly erode trust and connection.