“Am I Messing This Up?”: The Hidden Weight of Motherhood

Motherhood is often described as one of life’s greatest joys. Watching your child grow, experiencing the world through their eyes, and sharing unconditional love can bring meaning and fulfillment like nothing else. Yet behind the smiles and milestones, many mothers carry a heavy, invisible load; one filled with doubt, guilt, and exhaustion.

At Tri Lotus Psychotherapy, we often hear from moms in Calgary who feel overwhelmed, stretched thin, and quietly asking themselves: “Am I messing this up?”

The Invisible Mental Load of Motherhood

While motherhood brings deep love, it also comes with enormous pressure. Society often paints a picture of the “perfect mom”, endlessly patient, always prepared, and never struggling. But reality looks much different.

Mothers often carry the mental load:

• Planning lunches, school activities, and family schedules
  
  

• Managing children’s emotions, sleep, and safety
  
  

• Anticipating everyone else’s needs before their own
  
  

• Showing up in relationships, at work, and for themselves often without a break
  
  

This invisible work can feel relentless. Many mothers describe:

• Guilt for needing a break
  
  

• Second-guessing every decision
  
  

• Comparing themselves to moms online who seem “more together”
  
  

• Feeling like they are “not doing enough” or “not being enough”
  
  

These thoughts often come with a painful emotion: shame.

Why the Pressure Feels So Heavy

Self-criticism in motherhood often grows from several sources:

• Cultural pressure: Our society praises sacrifice and “doing it all” while rarely celebrating rest or “good enough.”
  
  

• Social media highlights: Endless parenting tips and polished family photos can leave moms doubting themselves or feeling behind.
  
  

• High expectations: When something goes wrong, a meltdown, a messy day, a missed task, the brain interprets it as evidence of failure.
  
  

Over time, this constant stress can lead to anxiety, depression, irritability, burnout, and even disconnection from one’s own needs and identity.

How Therapy Can Help Moms Reclaim Peace

The good news: you don’t have to carry this weight alone. Many Calgary mothers find therapy a safe place to release the hidden pressures of motherhood and learn tools to feel calmer and more confident.

At Tri Lotus Psychotherapy, our Calgary therapists often use approaches like:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

• Identifies harsh thought patterns such as “I’m a bad mom if I…”
  
  

• Replace them with kinder, realistic thoughts: “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
  
  

• Shifts attention toward evidence that you are a caring, capable parent
  
  

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

• Provides emotion regulation skills for overwhelming moments
  
  

• Offers distress tolerance and mindfulness strategies, helpful when kids are melting down
  
  

• Teaches ways to calm your nervous system when it feels overstimulated
  
  

Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)

• Helps you accept difficult emotions without letting them define you or control your behaviour

• Helps you learn to detach from thoughts that may be impacting overwhelm, anxiety, or depressive symptoms
  
  

• Encourages self-compassion and the understanding that perfection isn’t possible
  
  

• Supports living according to your values, parenting from presence, not perfection
  
  

Practical Strategies for Moms

In addition to therapy, there are simple yet powerful ways to reduce the hidden weight of motherhood:

• Practice vulnerability. As Brene Brown teaches, vulnerability is the antidote to shame. Sharing your struggles can remind you that you’re not alone.
  
  

• Cultivate self-compassion. Kristin Neff’s research shows that recognizing our common humanity helps us feel connected instead of isolated.
  
  

• Challenge comparisons. Remember, social media is a highlight reel — not real life.
  
  

• Allow rest. You don’t need to “do it all.” Good enough is more than enough.
  
  

You’re Not Messing This Up

If you’re a mom in Calgary feeling overwhelmed, know that you don’t have to face this alone. Seeking support through Calgary therapy can help lighten the invisible load and give you tools to care for both yourself and your children.

At Tri Lotus Psychotherapy, our compassionate therapists are here to walk alongside you. Whether you’re navigating the early days of motherhood or juggling multiple roles, we can help you find peace, permission, and presence in your parenting journey.

Complimentary 20 minute introductory call